Okay. Mr. Bundchen. Mr. Deflate-y, one need only go to Roget to find out all the synonyms for “probable.” Apparent, credible, feasible, plausible, presumed, reasonable, mortal, rational, believable, earthly, illusory, in the cards, most likely, odds-on, ostensible, presumable. All of these definitions describe your undeniable role in what can only be seen as an embarrassment to you, to your team, and most importantly, to your reputation as some have termed you (most hailing from or residing in the New England region of the United States) the greatest quarterback in National Football League history (yeah, tell that to Otto Graham, who won several more championships than you did, or Joe Montana, neither of whom felt the need to beat the odds by rigging the game).
You, the greatest sixth round ball deflater in NFL history have been deemed, after several hundred hours of independent and one would imagine unbiased examination to be found “more probable than not” culpable for actions which can deemed as nothing but unfair and cheating. (Would you like some synonyms for cheating as well? There are a lot of them. My favorite of all is “craft,” “crafty,”or “craftiness”, the very name of the owner of your football team. How appropriate, no??
Chicanery, deception, trickery, artifice, deviousness, dishonesty, dodge, double-crossing, double-dealing, duplicity, fourberie (I like that one!), fraud (another really good one!!), hanky-panky, intrigue, machination, maneuver, plot, ploy, ruse, skullduggery (oooh!!!), sophistry, subterfuge, surreptitiousness, underhandedness, craftiness, cunning, defrauding, dirty dealing, dissemblance, dissimulation, double-dealing, duplicity, hypocrisy, pretense, smoke and mirrors, trickery, two-facedness, dirty, unethical, dishonest, bent, bluffing, disreputable, false, hoodwinking, mendacious, misleading, perfidious, sinister, slippery, two-faced, two-timing, unctuous, underhanded, unfair, unprincipled, unscrupulous, untrustworthy, and wily.
This was a choice, and the Richard Nixon defense, that “everyone else is doing it,” does not fly. This does not make you competitive – I have no doubt you have a powerful ambition and drive, but doing whatever it takes, at all costs, i.e., breaking the rules, then lying about having any knowledge about it, does not make you “competitive,” it makes you any one of the appropriate adjectives above.
Full disclosure, I have been watching you from the vantage point of a fellow AFC East fan, the much-maligned New York Jets. I have enjoyed victories against you and your equally duplicitous coach – who agreed to coach our team, signed a contract, then backed out like the lying, underhanded douche that he is, only to then secretly spy on the very team he betrayed – and have watched you have equally great success against our team and others. That said, our 4-win team this previous season lost to the “great” New England Patriots by a combined 3 points (over two games). One can only imagine how Thomas’ balls manipulation might have had anything to do with those narrow victories. In all likelihood, it had nothing whatsoever to do with it, but Mr. Brady, since you hadn’t committed the moral lapse and played by your own rules later in the season, you have opened up every single victory of your illustrious career to scrutiny. You probably didn’t cheat to beat us, a woeful 4-12 team by a combined 3 points over two meetings, but, then again….